last published on August 6, 2009

ever since i can remember, interests have flown in and out, and back in and out of my life. much like the water cycle, after evaporation and condensation run their course, it's inevitably going to rain again. for example, when i was in third grade, i was really into horses - so much so that everyday at recess and lunch Kimmie McAllister and i would prance around on all fours and pretend that we actually were horses. then all of a sudden, one day after finishing my peanut butter and honey sandwich i decided i wanted to walk upright again, and alas, was no longer a horse. years later, i rekindled my love for the hoofed mammals, but seeing as i was older and wiser at this point, chose to ride one instead of be one. i was convinced that my calling in life was to be part of the equestrian community. every chance i could, i went riding - shit, i even went to horse camp (for lack of a better term) that summer. and then once school started again in the fall, horses were quickly replaced by other things like YM magazine, friendship bracelets, and boys.

the same revolving door policy does not apply to my personal relationships. my friends who are near and dear to me are in my world for a very specific reason: because i want them there. now don't get me wrong, i definitely have a list of people who i don't see often enough, or who have moved far, far away but at the end of the day, the space i set aside for them in my heart remains constant. fuck me over, and that's a different story... which leads me to past lovers, if you will.

when it comes to exes, i've never been one to "want to go to horse camp" after a relationship, romantic in nature, has run it's course. once i'm done, i'm done. sometimes i'm over it for a very specific, valid reason, and sometimes i simply "don't feel it" anymore. reasons aside, i'm not a friends with exes kind of gal. never have been. never will be? eh, this is a concept i'm currently having trouble with. for the first time, i'm experiencing an overwhelming urge to keep in contact with someone i've said "i love you" to, and actually meant it. why now? why him? these are questions i've been grappling with the past week or so, and honestly i'm not sure i'll ever fully be able to answer them. is this a sign of maturity? or a small bout of weakness? whatever it is, i'm not sure i like it very much. i have always been a person who makes a decision and feels good about it - this seems like a lose-lose to me. it's frightening, really. like when you finally admit to yourself that the person you're into could very well be into you, too. like when your parents sat you down and told you Christmas is a holiday invented by Hallmark so that they can sell limited edition holiday ornaments every year.

speaking of which, maybe i'll add a pony to my Christmas wishlist this year. at least some things never change.

sugar and spice and everything nice

last night Nikki and i were reliving the greatest (and not so greatest but in the best way possible) moments of her birthday party this past weekend, and we came to the conclusion that we have the greatest friends in the whole fucking world. now i know that everyone says that, but honestly, when i sit back and think about all of the people i have in my life i feel incredibly blessed and sometimes take for granted that not everyone has such an amazing circle of friends.

* warning *
this post is about to get ridiculously saccharine-laced.

sometimes in life you meet someone, and almost instantly you know this person was meant to be a part of your life because...

... this person not afraid to dance with you at shows like no one is watching, and would drop anything and everything for you in a time of need.


... when you're having a bad day, this person tells you it's "your day" and there is no one else in the world who you'd rather have be the plug to your socket.


... no matter how crazy the world makes you feel, this person makes you feel sane and loved unconditionally.


... whether you're in the mood to stir up some trouble, or need to vent after a crappy day, this person is only a speed dial call away.


... you share the same quirks and seemingly small but ever important likes and dislikes with this person, and certain things just don't feel right when they're not around.


... you have so much ridiculous fun with this person, and you both agree there are multiple times where you should have easily been dead in result of said fun.


... this person never fails to put a smile on your face and make you feel like an incredible human being simply because they are an incredible human being.


... 23 years of friendship is still at the top of this person's "important things" list despite the fact that your lives have gone in completely opposite directions.


... every time you're with this person you feel like you're 17 again, dancing at Tiger Heat - and you wouldn't have it any other way.


... no matter how busy you both are, this person always puts forth time and effort to see you, and when you finally do see each other it feels like no time has passed at all.


... everyone needs a giant in their life.


... you want to put this person in a little glass jar on your shelf because they are so darned cute.


... no one in the world aside from this person understands the importance of a taco as big as your head.


... your shared love for 90's music alone easily makes this person one of the most awesome people on earth.


... this person feels like your best friend from 2nd grade who always traded you their granola bar for your fruit roll-up.


ok, i'm making myself sick. i could go on, and on, and on... but i doubt you're even still reading this so i'll spare us both. in short, i freaking love my friends.

things i've realized since turning 25

this weekend was filled with eye opening revelations. let me indulge you:

i'm much more easily amused now that i'm 25.
i know, you didn't think it could get any easier to conjure a laugh out of me, but it indeed has become much, much easier. you don't have to do anything. i was walking to Cow's End on Saturday morning and realized i had a giant grin on my face for no apparent reason. i began to laugh hysterically due to this fact without any prompting, and Dave and Chels probably thought i was insane/still drunk/high or any combination thereof. they may have been right...

when i was 19, i was a rockstar.
though i will (proudly) say that at no point this weekend was i desperately hurting due to over abusing substances, i was tired as fuck. in fact, i still am. back in the day (sung: when i was young, i'm not a kid anymore but some days i sit and wish i was a kid again - i love that song...) i could drink, smoke, drink, smoke, drink, and God only knows what else with out any physical punishment. after TDS show tonight, i may need a few days of recuperation as a hermit.

i have the greatest fucking friends in the world.
don't be offended, it's not as if i was unaware that you are all supremely fantastic, but this weekend truly highlighted just how much i love/need/appreciate you for what you each respectively bring to the table. this whole weekend was flawless and i thank you for all of the effort you put into stringing it together. from my surprise dinner at Robata Bar, to shaking a tail feather at Nikki's, to breakfast at Jinky's, to being stoned out of my head, to celebrating Lindsay's last night at the Tavy, to thrift store shopping on Fairfax, to American Gladiators... it was too much fun to know what to do with.

what a lucky, lucky girl i am...