scheming is believing

let me preface this entry by stating for the record that i love my new job. i really do. i feel so fortunate to have found a position with a company that put it's employees first - a difference that is night and day compared to my last gig. don't get me wrong, rolling in the Sequoia was nice and all, but the dozen or so daily tirades weren't exactly worth the migraines and my no longer recreational vicodin addiction.

BUT (you all knew it was coming...) the one thing i can't stand is the fact that they have communal music blaring all day long. and i know what you're thinking - if the only thing i have to complain about is the music then i should shut the hell up, especially because i am a lover of (just about) all music. i'm talking Hot 92.3 Jams type shit ALL FUCKING DAY LONG, though. and if it's not Joe's "I Wanna Know"-esque type songs, KBIG 104/Kelly Clarkson and Beyonce ballads for eight consecutive hours. much to my displeasure/delight, i now know every word to "Irreplaceable". the first week was... ok. second week, eh, started nervously tapping my nails on the desk. and now... now i want to gouge my eyes out with a paper clip. i live/eat/breathe/sleep/sing these wretched songs day and night. the soundtrack to my dreams has shifted from Ben Gibbard singing sweet nothings while i frolick in a field of sunflowers to Ginuine screaming "ride it, my pony" as the masked killer from the Scream movies chases me into a Radio Shack.

i've spent the past four hours trying to come up with a way i could inconspicuously climb to the rafters of the building and disconnect the speaker system. i've pictured myself in an all camo outfit shimmying from beam to beam, snipping wires with the scissors that are conveniently located in my top desk drawer left and right. i then thought i should try and utilize my former Girl Scout archery training (yes, i was a Girl Scout) and shoot out each speaker individually from the comfort of my own desk. only problem is, i don't have a bow and arrow set, nor know where to get one that isn't plastic. and now that i think about it, i'm pretty sure i failed the archery patch...

shit. [sung] to the left, to the left. everything you own in a box to the left.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

ok, this is probably the most useless information i've ever written in my blog, but i have to share it with you because i need a shoulder to cry on. and if i actually picked up the phone and called (you know, you. the one reading this shit.), you would undoubtedly laugh in my face. i'd rather you laugh behind my back (assuming i'm not sitting next to you when you read this.)

all day at work, i've randomly been playing games of Free Cell. i don't know if any of you are Free Cell geeks like i am, but if you click "File" then "Statistics", it will (obviously) show you your current win/loss stats. i was on a twelve game winning streak. T-W-E-L-V-E. that might not seem like a lot, but i dare you to shout "victory is mine!" twelve wins. consecutive wins, damn it.

i just lost. i hate you, thirteen. i hate you. unless of course thirteen is referring to Michael Cammalleri in which case i love you, thirteen. love, love, love you.

is it 6:00pm yet?

side note: i'm really into parenthesis today. who knew?

shameless plug

for those of you who are in the know or simply in the dark, i'm currently completing an internship with advice guru E. Jean Carroll. part of my first task is to help promote her new site, so without further ado...

ADVICE VIXENS!
check it before you wreck it.

and while you're at it, add the newly formed AV myspace to your ever growing list of myspace friends. AV on MYSPACE!

(and no, i'm not the one monitoring the myspace site so please don't post stupid comments specifically about me b/c it will actually in fact post directly to AV site)

ciao, bella.

i'm goin' down to South Park gonna have myself a time

i swear on the un-holy bible that the cabbie we hitched a ride with on Friday night believed that he was Eric Cartman from South Park.

at first, i thought it was a funny joke and that he'd drop the Cartman voice and weird South Park references; but after he called Nikki a redneck, and Katie a hippie and wished that he had some cheesy poofs for the ump-teenth time i about peed in my pants (skirt) due to uncontrollable laughter.

did i mention he drove like a maniac and there were multiple times i was sure the van was going to flip over?

luckily we got his card.