ten reasons why my dad is cooler than yours

1. he spawned me. and Jake.
2. he is a short order cook and will make me anything i want for breakfast on any given day.
3. one time i went to Whole Foods and bought bacon wrapped chicken for him. i called and told him i had a surprise, and that it involved bacon. he asked me if it was bacon wrapped cock.
4. he called me a fag via text message.
5. he still thinks Brittney Spears is a virgin.
6. his new favorite thing is to say "whore", but quickly add a "ssss" sound at the end. people probably think that he is crazy, really likes horses, or a combination thereof.
7. even when he says he is "too full" and will "surely die", he'll still eat everything that's left on his plate - and yours.
8. he regularly quotes Disney's The Jungle Book movie.
9. one time he was trying not to use expletive words so he said, "i don't give a F." but just to make 100% certain i knew what he was trying to convey, he added, "or a U-C-K."
10. i said so.