karaoke (n): A painful form of 'entertainment' only to be attempted when very, very, very drunk.

we've made it a habit to go sing karaoke at the Whaler on Sunday nights. it's a guaranteed good time. the same people are always there, and the same people are always ridiculously drunk. last night was an especially "colorful", for lack of better term, evening.

i will now dissect various Whaler patron's singing styles and/or overall vibes for your reading (and hopefully viewing) pleasure.

let's start with Gina. Gina actually has a decent voice but sometimes puts on the vibrato a bit too strong and starts to resemble a cracked out opera singer. her head constantly wobbles, which often leads me to wonder if she's the adult version of that one story where the girl has to wear a velvet ribbon around her neck otherwise her head falls off (don't roll your eyes like i'm crazy - i've emailed Katy to confirm the name of said story. i know she knows it...). it's like she's a bobble head doll, and some one is constantly flicking her head. actually, it's quite remarkable now that i think about it. i give Gina mad props. i think i'd have a headache in 30 seconds if i voluntarily moved my head that much...

Kirk on the other hand has a very stationary head, and prefers the eyes closed hand over one ear method. i couldn't tell if he was actually plugging his ear, so as to hear himself better, or if the hand was simply cupping the ear so as to give the illusion that he was trying to hear himself better. though between you, me and the wall, when you're in a crowded bar singing cheesy Sting songs and every one else is singing along with you do you really need to hear yourself all that better? can you really hear yourself all that better? i guess only Kirk knows...

then there's Rico. Rico is probably one of my all time favorites because he will sing any song regardless of how long or terrible it is. he also loves to sing along to EVERY song. if he's not singing with you during your song, you can almost bet that he's dancing. Rico has some sweet dance moves. i love it when Rico dances.

moving on to Sumiko. Sumiko is an older Japanese woman who looks incredibly good for her age. at the beginning of the night, she seems relatively normal. she sits at the bar, drinks her drinks, and sings her songs as they come up. but as the night progresses she becomes more and more ridiculous and her crazy switch somehow gets turned to the "On" position. last night she wildly motioned across the bar for me to come over and talk to her. so i did. she tells me i have an incredible voice and that i've inspired her to learn new songs. in fact, she'd like to learn the song i had sung earlier in the night, but she's afraid that she's too old to know what song it was. well kids, it was Wilson Phillips' "Hold On" (sung only at the request of Katie Driscoll) which according to my calculations came out circa 1990. that's 16 years ago. not exactly a new sensation... moral of the story is she kissed me on the cheek after i told her i had complete faith that she could not only learn, but master "Hold On".

there are oodles more, but now that i've begun i realize i could go on for days. don't worry, i won't go on for days. there is just one more story that i have to share, though.

it's the end of the night, Nikki has already gone home and Katie and i have said most of our goodbyes and head for the door. Katie gets trapped along the way and i get to the door only to realize that she's not behind me. i scream her name. nothing. i scream it again. still nothing. Will, our favorite bouncer in the entire world laughs at me. i walk back into the bar, see her, call her name and give her a pissy look - though the pissy look is completely in jest. but this creepy old man with a fro and clear sunglasses walks over to me and says "honey, all that matters is that she goes home with you at the end of the night. there will always be people trying to get her attention, but remember that she's going home with you." i mutter thanks, and am now confused. Katie finally comes and i tell her what he says at which point she busts out laughing. apparently that old creepy man thought we were dating, as earlier in the evening he told her that we make a lovely couple. last week i was Dave's girlfriend, this week i was Katie's. who's next? grab a number, get in line.

if this didn't make you want to join us on Sundays for good some ol' fashioned fun, there's only one other thing i can think of that would sell you. Dave doing Usher's "Nice and Slow". and if that didn't get you, then you're hopeless. hopeless i tell you.